Monday, June 23, 2014

Makeup Monday - Cut Crease and Illness Explanation

I have recently seen a rise in the cut crease.  Being a goth, I know this look well, and usually have to, really really really have to try to not do this look every day.  Especially in the summer months when less is the look.

Here is todays eye.
I am only going to do the eye makeup today.

Here are the products I used today.  

For a base I used 2 products. 
First: Nat Robbins cream eyeshadow pencil, in color Taupe je3

Second: Jane matte eye shadow in color hip bone.  I lost the lid years ago, sorry.

I must say these products are at least 5 years old and may not exist any more or may have different names.  I will explain this after the product list is done.

I used my Philosophy Shadow brush to apply the hip bone.

For eye liner and the cut crease color I used Sonia Kashuk eye pencil in blackest eye smudge.

Now this I most likely got 10 + years ago.  
I also used Rimmel professionals eyebrow pencil in black.
This pencil is probably very old also.  I used the smudge stick for most of the color application, and instead of a brush I use the brow pencil instead.  It blends really accurately and leaves a very little pigment while not removing any pigment like a brush might.   If I do use any brush, it would be my e.l.f. smudge brush.
I only recently picked this brush up at Target and it only cost a couple bucks.  I really have been loving it, and recommend it if you are on an insanely low budget lime I am.

The mobile lid color I used is one from my L.A. colors orangy brown pallet.  It has no label on the back so this is just my name for the pallet.  I also got it at the dollar store so it really had to be packed on for a proper pigment payout.
I used this beautiful rusty orange color.

Then I used my regular mascara, Mary Kay Ultimate Mascara in black.

Then applied my E.L.F lashes, I threw out the box so I am unsure of which ones they are, but I am love with them.  They are full and yet wispy and flair at the end. ❤❤❤
My eyebrow pencil is ancient, and embarrassing but here is what I use.
I would use this cheap lip gloss pencil for a glossy lip.  I have not used it much because I have to reapply it so often, but I do really love the color (9k?)Okay 

And it is done!

I will explain why my makeup is soooooo old.  If you do not really care skip to the bottom.

Okay this gets me extremely emotional, but I do feel I need to explain myself. I have struggled my entire life with depression with suicidal tendencies and self mutilating tendencies.  I use to wear make up everyday since senior high school.  It helped with my self esteem, and it was something I could do on the days I felt like self harming.  I did take pride in my outward appearance, because being a punk/goth/gamer, the way I did my make up did set me apart and define me in a way.  Now about 12 years ago, I started to get super physically sick.  Through all the medication and from my actual sickness, my skin became hyper sensitive.  It would break out so badly in acne that I would not even be able to clean it because it was so painful to touch.  When it was not severely broken out in severe acne, anything, even water sometimes, would cause my skin into break into hives.  Sometimes my skins allergic reaction was blister.  When the blisters went the course they would leave crater type wounds that would take months to heal.  During this time my mental health issues were just as dire as my physical health.  Then I met and fell in love with My Darling, B.  While he helped, I felt badly that he was dating someone that was so sick, and "hideously ugly".  Where I once use to go to music shows and clubs weekly, I then could not even leave the house to get groceries.  I became agoraphobic.  I am still struggling with PTSD, agoraphobia, panic disorder with dissociative panic attacks, I have suicidal thoughts daily still and struggle against self mutilation daily as well.  I am getting help now though, and B has been by my side through all of it.  I can not tell you how lucky I am to have found him! 

Recently, my skin has become more tolerant of soaps, moisturizers, fragrances (not very many and I still shy away from them).

I desperately wanted to start wearing make up again!  However, all the makeup I have is from back before I got physically sick.  So lets say from about 2003.  What is still "good" is so extremely dated, and seeing as I am disabled, I do not have the income to start over, fixed income and all.   Am really trying to update and restock, but until I can, I will do what I can with what I have .

That about sums it up, I hope that I have explained why my makeup stash is so old and dated.  I am happy to say that my skin is tolerating more and I am ecstatic I can wear almost all the sensitive makeup products I have been able to purchase and try.

Thank you for so much for reading about my skin issues, and for all your understanding!  I can not tell you how much support means to me.  Feed back and coments are very welcome!

Until tomorrow, be kind to your self, and to each other.