Monday, June 30, 2014

Makeup Mondays - Information and Subtle (for me) Summer Look

First, I would like to apologise for being lost for a week.  My parents came into town and life happened.  Including my amazing little sister, Mikki's housewarming!  I am so so proud of her!  Her new home is gorgeous, and fits her so well!
Mikki, me, and Mom.  You can not take us anywhere.
Second, before we delve into makeup, let us take a few moments to work on inner beauty.  I have 3 YouTube videos/channels I wish to show you.  You may not be an introverted plus sized girl with anxiety issues like myself, but there is no harm in educating yourself.  This way you can ensure that you will not harm others with ignorance.  Accidentally hurting someone, is still hurting someone.  Also, just a warning I have huge girl crushes on all 3 of these beauties.

#1. Scarlet Saint.  I love her so much!  Especially after I watched her life with anxiety post.  It is about 16 minutes long and worth every second, especially for the advice.  This post was exactly what I want this blog to be.

What do I do to deal with my anxiety, agoraphobia, and social anxiety?

Just about everything anyone has suggested.  Not all of it I see immediate results with, but I still do them in hopes that they will help in the long run.

A) I documented my thought cycle.  I did this so I can identify when I enter an anxiety thought cycle and attempt to stop the process before it gets too far out of hand.

B)  4 square breathing.  This helps me immediately, and it is my first go to technique. I find it effective after a couple minutes.  however, what works for me may not work for you.

C) Tai Chi.  Do not laugh but I use David Caradine's Tai chi videos.  The am/pm for beginners is my favorite.

D) Hot hot hot bath with music, candles, and relaxing essential oils.  Some times a glass of wine, or a beer.  This is really hard to do when you are not at home but after a really bad day with anxiety this does wonders for me.

E)  Write in my journal.  About EVERYTHING!  Even if I just destroy it immediately after.  This really helps me.  Once I get my thoughts out of my head and onto paper, my cyclical thinking tends to stop.  I do not know if it is just the release of the thoughts and/or feelings, or if it is a way for me to acknowledge that these are my feelings and now lets look at them objectively and not emotionally... honestly, I don't know much other than it seems to help me more than I ever thought it would.

F)  Medication.  Now I take plenty of medications, mostly for my physical illnesses and diseases, but the ones that I do take for mental reasons are vital for me.  Without them, I am always angry and say cruel and hurtful things, I am constantly crying and sometimes I don't even know why, incessantly have to fight the urge to cut cut cut and cut, and then sometimes it is darker...I can not count how many suicide notes I have written or how many ways I have planned a self inflicted finish to my life.  I believe the first one was when I was about 10.  Without my medication I have dissociative panic attacks.  Without medication it takes me 3-5 days to work up the courage to leave the house.  Without medication I have night terrors.  So yes, the medication. I take not only helps, it is kinda vital.

G)  Guided/visualization meditation.  Sometimes I can get it to work but if I am too far off into coo coo land, it does not do much.

H)  Long walks alone with loud music and mace.  The mace is because of my issues with PTSD from several attacks.  If I do not have it, I would not go.

I)  Take a time out with tea.  I do this before bed usually.  Helps me fall asleep.

J)  Constructive planning for the future.  If I have a plan, then I do not feel like chaos is going to rip everything to pieces.

K)  Sometimes just a good old ugly cry session.  I do mine in the shower.  Other wise My Darling would try to comfort me and fix the problem... and he can't.  So, I do it in the shower so he does not feel helpless.  I do not do this often, maybe 2-3 times a year.  And only after I have tried everything else because this is also a prime cutting opportunity.

I don't know if this helps you if you suffer from anxiety as I do, but hopefully it helps just one person, and not help anyone at all.

Before I forget, she also has a post called "Let's Chat About This 'Real Woman' Stuff", it is about respecting all shapes and sizes of women, for their beauty... and pretty much the etiquette on how to properly give a hurt free compliment.  Somehow I find this sad that she felt she need to make this video to correct peoples bad behaviour, but I can not say how happy I am that she did.  It shouldn't have to be spelled out for people it should just be common sense.

Anyway, if she ever reads this (highly doubtful, but maybe), THANK YOU!

#2. Vintage Or Tacky.  This girl is gorgeous!  And not only that, she speaks her mind.  What is there not to love?  She has posts on makeup, clothing, hair.  Seriously, I think I have watched every one of her videos.  Recently she did a post on "The Problem With Plus-Size Fashion".  

Now I am a plus sized woman, and I live in Minnesota.  It gets cold here.  REALLY COLD.  In the winter I still want to wear skirts... you try it at 29 degrees below zero with tights that will not stay up or are stretched to maximum thinness.  Last winter I wore a skirt twice, TWICE!!! I can not find a single pair that fit properly.  I buy the ones in "my size", what a joke.  

And pretty foundation and under garments... stuff for the boudoir... so ugly, or so not doing their job holding the girls up where they need to be, only causing pain and not making anything pretty, only uglier because it is the equivalent of tissue paper in a water balloon fight.  Is it too much to ask for function and be cute???  Yeah, cute.  I do not ask for beautiful, but cute would go a long way.  I would like to feel a little sexy in a dress and not feeling sexy because I know what is under it!  I am tired of feeling like the army designed my bras and panties.

And why do stores put the plus sized women's clothing in what I can only think of as the smallest table next to the kitchen in a restaurant?   And why is there only two types of clothing, hooker or nun?!

This is why I have started to make my own cloths.

Before I forget, in that post "The Problem With Plus-Size Fashion", she also has a contest to win a $100 gift certificate to ModCloth!  There are sooooo many wonderful things there, just go and window shop if nothing else.  For the contest go to the link above, her post and follow directions.  And while you are there, watch her videos! I can not say enough good things about this girl!

#3.  Goldiestarling.   Not only does she do some effing unbelievable special effect/Halloween/fantasy/celebrity. Inspired makeup tutorials, she is an introvert like myself.  Recently she made a video post about introverted people called Introverts Are People Too".

I have a handful of friends that try but really do not always understand my behavior as an introvert.  They really do not understand how awkward I feel in social situations, or when I suddenly need to leave a public place or party because I am overwhelmed.  Some of them do not understand my desperate need for "alone time".

She did such a fantastic job describing and explaining just about anything really needs to know about introverted people.  Go and watch the video, it is a must! It, like the video Scarlet Saint made about anxiety, is worth every second.

Love, love, love her.

Now I know there will be people out there that are going to say "you just need to expose yourself more to get used to it" about being an introvert with anxiety... to me it is like telling a diabetic that they can be cured by eating more sugar so their body can fix itself.

I also know that there will be people that say, if I am unhappy being fat, stop eating what you eat and exercise more.  I would love to loose some weight, but for ome people it is just not that simple.  First off diet, I am on one.  Mostly liquids and vegetarian.  Not to loose weight, but because of my health. If I could exersise more, I would.  I may not like being fat, and having no tools in wich to fix it.  However I do educate myself so that my ignorance can not do irreparable harm.  Unknowingly hurting someone out of ignorance is still hurting someone.

Now to step of the soap box and get into some fun!  On to the makeup!

First the eyes.

I labeled what colors went where... hope you can read it!

Then added the reddish brown from this to the crease as well, and used the glittery black to smudge into my liner.

I used this in blackest black on my waterline, lid, and to tight line as well.  Then buffed it out.

Then my liquid foundation, did a bit of powder to set after I used a dark brown eye shadow as contour.

Then a light pink shimmery lip.  I also smudged a bit on my cheeks, however it did not translate well in the photos, same goes for my contour.

I swatched it on my hand so you can see how shimmery it is.

Couldn't resist the obligatory goofy face.

 And now its done!  It may not be very subtle to you... but for me it is.

Had a blast playing today, and hope you love some of my favorite YouTubers!  Give them a thumbs up if you find their posts as wonderful as I did!!

Now I will leave you with a few pictures from this weekends festivities!
Me and Aunt Sue

Uncle Pat and Shalane

Me and Jim

Uncle Dennis and me

Uncle Mick and me

Me and Georgie

Me and Kim

Aunt Max and me

Great Aunt Margret, mom, and a Mikki photo bomb
Jenny and me

Shalane and me

If you need me, me and Neil will be hanging out with The Dream King...
So proud of this soldier cousin of mine! Go air born ranger!


My beautiful sister, Mikki.
Kiss, kiss, love my sis<3

Cu waiting patiently for some one to start the damn barbecue.

Aunt Linda and part of Uncle Harris

My other Uncle Dennis

Neil and mom playing with food
And last but not least...
Mean muggin' with My Darling, B
Sorry for all the pictures, but it was too fun not to share.

Until next time, be kind to yourself, and each other.